Hi readers! I'm sorry I went MIA for nearly two months
without explanation. I don't really have an excuse other than I started
slacking on writing and before I knew it, I had lost where I was going with the
story. I rewrote, deleted, and rewrote some more to get this post up and
couldn't really come up with something I liked. I finally got this post out,
and it's still not my favorite work. I hope you enjoy the new post if you're
still following and I will have a new one up much sooner than I got this one up.
Also, I am posting this from my phone, so if the formatting looks funny please
let me know!
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I spent the rest of the week moving through a thick fog. I
finished my unpacking and sought out retail therapy in an attempt to distract
myself. Maybe a new collection of clothes for work and a few new pairs of shoes
could lift my mood the way spending ludicrous amounts of money on material
things usually did.
While I returned home with a full vehicle of items to
unpack, I still felt separated from myself the whole day. It was as if my body
was shopping and unpacking, carrying on without me, but my mind stayed back,
hooked on my last conversation with Justin and the news that Lyndsey broke to
me. I had kept very quiet about our issues and taken the fall for our end, not
knowing what had happened between Aaron and I, and wanting to protect Justin.
None of my family knew the real reason behind it and some questioned me about
my choice. Many of them loved Justin and were shocked, even disappointed when
we broke up. Lyndsey was the only one of my friends that knew the truth, making
me feel I had nowhere else to turn with this news.
I couldn't help blaming myself for Justin cheating on me.
Maybe if I had focused more on him and less on my success, he wouldn't have
turned to someone else for his needs. Maybe he thought there was something
going on with Aaron and this was his way of coping. I couldn't believe how long
he had carried this on for and how he was able to turn it on me and make me
blame myself.
By the end of the week, I felt so trapped inside my head
and sick of my thoughts running in the same circles, I called my dad for a long
heart-to-heart. I loved Lyndsey to death, but my dad was truly my best friend
and we had always been very close. We became much closer after my mom passed
away shortly after my little brother Kyler, turned 1.
She began struggling with alcoholism when I was 4, and was
recovering for some time before relapsing shortly before my parents found out
she was pregnant with Kyler when I was 8. She used the pregnancy to convince my
dad not to leave her and to prove she was sobering up once again. He would
catch her sneaking drinks here and there through the pregnancy and she'd
promise it was the last time.
In her last trimester, she sobered up again and thankfully,
Kyler was unharmed and healthy when he was born. My dad finally left my mom a
few weeks after Kyler came home when I called him from our home phone at work
because Kyler was crying and my mom wouldn't do anything to make him stop. He
came home to her passed out on the couch next to an empty brandy bottle. When I
was old enough to understand, my dad explained to me that he had filed divorce
but given my mom a small stipend to find her own place, since my dad had always
taken care of the bills even though she also held a job. He gained full custody
of us and would only let my mom visit at our house, if she was sober.
On a night she was supposed to come visit, she went to the
bar instead and wrapped her car around a telephone pole on her way back to her
apartment. The first responders found her dead when they arrived. I was 9 when
she died, and didn't remember much of her. I never let it affect me growing up,
and my dad did a phenomenal job of raising my brother and me. He was so
dedicated to us that he hardly dated, and had only brought 3 women into the
house over the years. I was lucky enough to come from a very tight-knit family,
and my dad's sister stepped up to become a mother figure to us and was
conveniently our neighbor so she was able to watch us during the day while our
dad was working.
Growing up just the three of us, my relationship with my
dad was great and I told him everything. He was my best friend by my side
through the petty fights with friends in middle school and the countless boy
problems. He was always in the front row of all of my dance performances and
even learned some of my routines when I was younger to help practice. However,
he had no idea of the truth behind Justin and me.
I played with the ends of my hair and made a note to do
some research on stylist as I listened to his phone ring.
When he finally picked up, I heard his warm voice boom
through the earpiece, "There you are! I thought you forgot about your
lowly father in your big time, grad school life!"
His sarcasm made me smile and miss all the time we spent
joking with each other.
"Hey daddy. I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't forget
about you and I miss you so much. I've just been busy trying to settle in and
I've been having a little bit of a hard time, which is what I... is that a
woman I hear in the background?"
I paused after I heard what sounded like a female voice
greeting my dad on the other end.
He chuckled nervously and said, "Well I wanted to hear
all about you but you busted me. I'm seeing someone."
I couldn't contain my excitement. My dad deserved someone
in his lif, especially now that I was on my own and Kyler was growing up and
not needing to always be taken care of.
"Well Daddio, who's the lucky lady? I need to research
her to make sure she's fit for you," I laughed.
"You might know her actually," he answered,
"her name is Roxanne. She has a daughter about your age. I think her name
is Ashley."
