Relieved

I sat, frozen by the words that had come out of my dad's mouth. Even though we lived in a small Milwaukee suburb, it was still a large area and the chance that he had started dating Ashley's mom should have been impossible. I tried to calm down by reminding myself that Ashley is a very common name and I shouldn't jump to any conclusions. Maybe it was just my recent discovery that tricked my mind into making that connection. I would have had myself convinced but the Ashley I knew also had a mother named Roxanne.

"Are you still there?" I heard my dad cut through the phone.

"Yeah...yes I'm still here. Dad, can you call me back when you're alone There was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Sure honey, is everything ok?" I could hear the concern in his voice; he had always been a protective papa bear, especially with his only daughter. "Roxanne is going to dinner with her daughter and her boyfriend in a half hour. I can call you back then if you would like."

My assumption about my dad's new friend only grew worse hearing this. "Sure, I'll leave the volume on my phone up. I love you."

"Love you more," my dad responded before we hung up.

For the next 30 minutes, I let myself be consumed by what ifs. What if my dad and Roxanne got serious? Would that mean I would be seeing Ashley and Justin at holidays? Would he still be a regular around my family? If that was the case, I would not be going home for the holidays. Would my dad even believe me? Would she replace me as his daughter because she was still back home? There was no way I would be able to face the constant reminder of how I really lost Justin.

After what seemed like a millennium, but was really only 30 minutes on the dot, my dad called me back. I answered on the first ring, “Hi Dad.”

I barely got the words out of my mouth before he began ambushing me with questions, “Are you alright? What’s going on? Did something happen? Do you need me to come up to Minneapolis? What couldn’t you tell me?”

I took a deep breathe to keep myself together and began explaining, “I’m fine Dad. Well, mostly. Nothing has happened to me here and I don’t need you to bother yourself with making a trip up here before I’ve even gotten started. I just wanted to talk to you about me and Justin. I know I really closed myself off to everybody when that was going on and I never even really told you what was happening. To make it worse, I talked to Lyndsey the weekend I moved in and learned some things I didn’t even know. Please just let me get through the story and hear me out first.”

For the next twenty minutes, I recounted the details about how Justin and I started going downhill, how I thought I was getting involved with Aaron, how I broke it off, and finally how I found out from Lyndsey what had really happened. I tried to keep myself calm as I got to the part where I learned who the other woman was and I explained to my dad that he was now getting involved with her mother. I wrapped up everything I wanted to get out and waited for my dad to process.

After a solid pause, I heard him let a long, slow breathe out and slowly begin to answer, “Honey, I had no idea. I’m a little bit hurt that you kept me out of that much going on in your life. I know it was a really difficult time for you and I know that’s sometimes how you process your hardships, but I would have, and always will stand behind you no matter what. You know I love you unconditionally and would never stand against you and your decisions, especially if you are hurting. I wish I would have known so that I could support you, and maybe I wouldn’t have been so shocked when you did leave Justin. I don’t care if other people think you did the wrong thing by leaving him, your happiness should come above everything. I just wish I had known and maybe I would have seen it happening and been able to convince you.”

I felt myself begin to relax and remembered how good it felt to have my dad’s support.

“I’m glad I know what really happened and want you to know that anybody cheating on you is not your fault. You are an incredibly talented young woman. You are absolutely beautiful and your passion and drive to do anything you set your mind to is something that any man should seek out in a woman. You have the best heart and so much love to give. I don’t just say this because you’re my daughter and inherited my best traits”, we both laughed, “but because it is true and don’t you dare let anyone make you feel it isn’t. None of that is your fault baby girl. However, I know you, and I know how you get an idea and run with it. I think you are convincing yourself that there is a connection between my new friend and the end of your relationship. I understand it’s quite a coincidence to have that combination of names, but remember how big of an area and how many Ashleys you know. Please try to get that idea out of your head. I don’t see it being true and I don’t want you to worry yourself.”

I tried to protest and convince him that it was true but he cut me off, “Roxanne and I are not serious by any means and are trying to take things slow. I have not met her kids yet and I won’t be introducing her to you and your brother for a while. If things do become serious, I want you to meet her before we move forward any more. You know your opinion matters to me, and I want to be with somebody you get along with and you think is good for me. I am very sure it’s not the same woman, Lila Eloise, but if I find out it is when I meet her kids, I’m not too proud to tell you you’re right.”

I tried to relax a little more after my dad’s reassurance, but I couldn’t quite shake the feeling I had. He was probably right that I had taken the thought and ran with it, and I just needed a few days to settle down and let it go. I thank him for listening to me and felt so relieved that he knew what had been going on. We chatted a little more about my move and my new house, and how I was looking forward to my new jobs and my classes. Before I knew it, an hour had quickly passed. We started to wrap up our conversation and said our goodbyes.

“Lila Eloise, thank you for calling me. I was missing you already and I am so happy you let me back in and told me about Justin. Remember you are so much better and don’t let anything stop you from moving on and being your best, happiest self. Don’t you hesitate to call me and talk about it more if you’re still hurting. I’m always your biggest fan! Stay out of trouble and don’t forget about us back home!”

I laughed at his less than subtle hint to stay in touch, “I won’t forget about you Daddy. Thank you for listening to me and letting me tell you what I hadn’t been. Keep Kyler out of trouble for me! Remember, if he’s trying to bring a girl home, you let me know. I can’t let just anybody around him.”

We both laughed at my protectiveness of my brother. He may have stood well over a foot taller than me, but he was still my baby brother and now that he was coming into the dating age, I was not about to back off. We said goodbye to each other and I put my phone down and felt much lighter. I was more than happy that my dad listened to my story and stood behind me. The only thing that kept weighing me down was the nagging feeling I had about his new love interest. I tried to shrug it off, reminding myself that my dad was right and it was probably coincidence. Besides, I had to focus on getting ready for my first day at work the next day.

I flipped on my stereo system and put some music on and walked through my bedroom to my glorious closet, where I had set up two sides with clothes and shoes and placed an oversized, full length mirror in the middle against the back wall. I began looking for an outfit for my first day at the clinic. Luckily for me, my master’s program partnered with the clinic I would be working at, so my job could actually count for clinical hours within my program. Most students just shadowed, but I was able to get a full time job that would work around classes two afternoons a week. I would be working as an assistant trainer to high school and college athletes that used the clinic’s sport medicine program as their primary athletic training. My first week was to be mostly training and individual meetings, so I was to dress business casual. The general dress code for my department was fairly casual, and I was told jeans and comfortable shoes were standard.

After emptying half of my closet, I found the perfect outfit for my first day and laid it out before putting the discarded articles back in their original place. I knew I wouldn’t sleep much that night, as I never do when I’m excited so I got ready for bed and settled in even though it was only 7:30.